Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
