My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
