I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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