idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
