You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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