I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize