We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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