dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
