so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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