And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
