Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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