I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
