Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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