Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who died my cat blue again?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
