yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
