Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize