I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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