I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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