Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
