WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
