Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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