I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
