I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
