Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
