I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
