so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
