They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The air was thick with penises
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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