Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
