It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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