Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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