just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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