Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
