When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
