Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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