Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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