the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
