i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
