they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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