i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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