she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
