i think i have two assholes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its liver damage thursday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
