We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
