Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
