i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So many bounce houses so little time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
