My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
