just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
