i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
