The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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