Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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