I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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