I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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