i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
