I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
