I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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