You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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