I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
